Grandma'd sit me on her lap

My eyes were full of tears

She'd stroke my hair

Tryin' hard to calm my fear

Said"You don't gotta like him

But you gotta love your Dad

He ain't the best

But he's what you have

Anger won't bring you peace

This hate's gonna rot your soul"

I took those words like gospel

But they came with their own toll

I hate that I still love him

With everything he's done

All the scars he left behind

On my body, soul, and mind

All the nights I wanted to run

But had no way to go

I hate that I still love him

Why can't I let go

I remember lying awake

Hurting from that two-by-four

He slammed it against me

One two three times, maybe more

I picked up the phone

Beggin' myself to dial nine-one-one

But fear squeezed my heart

And I knew I couldn't run

I sat the phone down

Laid back on the floor

Swallowed it down

Too scared to fight for more

I hate that I still love him

With everything he's done

All the scars he left behind

On my body, soul, and mind

All the nights I wanted to run

But had no way to go

I hate that I still love him

Why can't I let go

Why

I stood at his headstone

Hurt screamin' in my brain

Thought 'bout pissin' on his grave

Just to settle the pain

Then I heard her voice

Speaking soft like she always did"Honey, you gotta love your Dad

He ain't the best

But he's what you had

Don't let that hate rot your soul"

I left a nickel on his grave

Still paying that toll

I hate that I still love him

With everything he's done

All the scars he left behind

On my body, soul, and mind

All the nights I wanted to run

But had no way to go

I hate that I still love him

I wish I could let go